result out already...

alas, the result is out, have to say, i did pretty well although yeap not as good as last sem, manage to get DL this sem also, but yeap.. again it's lower than last, 3.65..

i'm somewhat upset but yeap, what else to do, it's not like you can change it anymore, gosh, how come i only could get that high... some of my friends did pass me.. so guess i'm not that clever after all.. lol...

at some point my ego self is somewhat hurted but, my family did say, it is good enough.. why must you feel down..

what makes me feel that way is that i sometimes feel burden with people's expectation, the truth is i'm not that good when i'm in my school years.. people may never know that.

did i played too much last sem? i don't think so, i did do as good as i could but what the heck, the 2 subjects that i got B is so hard i think

this thus made me question myself, am i good enough to be a journalist? if i'm not good with writing then it must be hard for me to be writing something that people want to read right?

next sem might be challenging for me, gotta travel a lot and yeap doing a more difficult assignment... guess just have to wait and see then right??

so for everyone, congrats on your result...

p/s: i'm reminding myself to be greatful on what i achieved... :D

getting angry all of the sudden.......

to say the least, i never know what my heart wanted actually....

the thing is i kind of got lost somewhere when it comes to certain things, for what actually? i totally don't know, if to say that your jealous of someone, its so totally true but then again what would you gain by doing so? nothing... i mean, really, nothing... even if you feeling that, then not doing anything so what? lol, i think it is better for you to just leave it behind and just accept who you are. you are not someone who's a poser trying to be known by anyone, just as far in the internet world. adding friend is just a click of a mouse away, but really? its really hard to know the real persona of the person, just by viewing the pictures and then reading some of what they wrote may never get you the full view of the person at all.... so why on earth do you have to be feeling jealous at all.

at least in the real life you have friends who would likely to know you and then befriend or enemy to you.. lol

but guess for now, life is more complicated and people are racing go get more friends on the internet. and i must admit, being one is really hard, what are there for the race anyway, nothing..... but after thinking for a long time, who cares, no one gonna be asking you, how many friends do you have, even if they ask you, do all the friends that added you would be giving you any kind of warm messages when you truly need it.. in my case, i admit that it's hard for me to give comments to them, just because i'm not the person who would like to make the first move even with my friends....

god, please banish all kind of bad things that has in me.. just for the sake for the future, i really wanted the best for me, even if it's mean not so good to other people...

something got into me...

what bothers me the most is that, when i started to think about something, i can't stop.

my mind will randomly think what would happen to me. not that it is a bad thing, but sometime i will think differently and people may perceive it as a not good thing to do.... well what to do anyway, it's not like they are controlling my mind anyway, gotta learned to adapt and find a different ways in connectiong in people..

in my case i have found a lot of different people which in fact have given in input on how that may see the world and try to compare it to me.

one grimming fact is that, they tend to control others, and wanted people to follow on foot with them, people do live that way right?

other thing is that, people are such a poser, it's a lingo that people so stucked up in myspace, friendster, facebook and anything that is an interent relationship website, people will try to be who they are not, kind of like their alter-ego. for me as an addict in such, i sometimes think as if it's so not there, i been able to switch onto my alter-ego, which indeed a warm person who can mingle to anyone, but when you see me in a real situation, a may be a little bit shy and may be quiet person, if i may not know you, but for my friends, i think that they have a clear picture on who i am, the person whom i may be.

but what is inside, it is hard to understand, whether they are happy around me or not, take for example, a friend of mine suddenly having a cold shoulder on me, for what reason, i really don't know. god would only know what i have done to him. maybe, just maybe, i did something bad to him, but then again compared to what he done to me, its far more serious (at least in my p.o.v). this coming study semester would be so hard, knowing that i have to rely on friends that i crossed and thus making a bad impression on them, or them growing to hate me. it bugs me! how sometimes i fail to be as good as they can.

friends if you are reading this, just tell me, am i that bad? a bad person who have a different side of faces and wanting to have just the right kind of friends who are popular and well known just for the sake of popularity? am i such a person?