something got into me...

what bothers me the most is that, when i started to think about something, i can't stop.

my mind will randomly think what would happen to me. not that it is a bad thing, but sometime i will think differently and people may perceive it as a not good thing to do.... well what to do anyway, it's not like they are controlling my mind anyway, gotta learned to adapt and find a different ways in connectiong in people..

in my case i have found a lot of different people which in fact have given in input on how that may see the world and try to compare it to me.

one grimming fact is that, they tend to control others, and wanted people to follow on foot with them, people do live that way right?

other thing is that, people are such a poser, it's a lingo that people so stucked up in myspace, friendster, facebook and anything that is an interent relationship website, people will try to be who they are not, kind of like their alter-ego. for me as an addict in such, i sometimes think as if it's so not there, i been able to switch onto my alter-ego, which indeed a warm person who can mingle to anyone, but when you see me in a real situation, a may be a little bit shy and may be quiet person, if i may not know you, but for my friends, i think that they have a clear picture on who i am, the person whom i may be.

but what is inside, it is hard to understand, whether they are happy around me or not, take for example, a friend of mine suddenly having a cold shoulder on me, for what reason, i really don't know. god would only know what i have done to him. maybe, just maybe, i did something bad to him, but then again compared to what he done to me, its far more serious (at least in my p.o.v). this coming study semester would be so hard, knowing that i have to rely on friends that i crossed and thus making a bad impression on them, or them growing to hate me. it bugs me! how sometimes i fail to be as good as they can.

friends if you are reading this, just tell me, am i that bad? a bad person who have a different side of faces and wanting to have just the right kind of friends who are popular and well known just for the sake of popularity? am i such a person?