i totally hate this part.

imagine putting yourself into a situation where u become so naive. so much so that u feel defeated and losing.
u are so naive that suddenly people took advantage on it.
its like shit man. i hate this, i have tried. tried so hard to be as kind to people giving them the same way i treated others but then again they misjudge me.
saying that i am guilty.

if i could really could not say no to that. like do i even care about the silence that was created between me and them. i tried.. and i couldn't care less anymore.

wanting back something that has already been broken is something stupid. at least that is in my case.
i cherish all the moment i have with them, but right now i guess our difference has gain on us.. and some things are meant to be left behind unfixed...

Something new.

Last week was week of fun for me.

i was staying at campus for the whole week alone at my level. you guys might not believe this, but yes.. i am having fun. seriously, i was out in town more than usual, watching about 3 movies straight and it was so much fun!

i thought my week will be so boring but then i didn't felt that much. when you have friends by besides u, then life would be fun right.

i guess my day now is fully filled with assignment and all the clubs activities. i sometimes felt that i am making it just to get out of trouble.

another thing that shock me was the demise of Alexander McQueen. One of the most sought after designer this decade. Stress was the cause they said.. but yeap may your soul rest in peace.

i missed home a lot right now, seriously... been here for about two months already, trying hard to keep it up her. Sometimes it gets me. how hard to please other people when sometimes they themselves couldn't care less about me. what is the point of being nice that way right? But seriously i think my naivety is something that people would love to take advantage on..

better take care of my own emotion right??

a day when you are me.

one words can really make a difference, why am i the one to be blame here? so did i ever talk bad on anyone? or just because of me being nice to anyone, they somehow took advantage on me. i so deeply annoyed with this, people's perception and all. i really can't take this anymore.

some wounds just can't be mended anymore. it leaves a scar that would be remembered forever, that is visible to your eyes. even if it just a joke it still hurts, and i guess things have changed and my changes is due to something that you yourself have started before.

i am thankful to everything that i hope that things would go on your way, the way u liked it to be.

Cheng, Elderly and a glimpse to the future.

for the first time in my life, i went to and elderly institution, where, people tend to the elderly people. at fist i really don't know what to expect, but then i get the whole clear picture.

people are every way so any reason. sometime it is due to what we do in the past and how life have brought them to the future that is today. reality can be daunting but it happen without us even knowing what to expect.

i did talk and mingle around with all the occupants there and most of them have their own story to share. how sadness and happiness is somewhat normal to them. they are immune to anything. giving smile to everyone and acting normal. It is acceptable for someone to be there if there is no one to take care of them, but upon hearing that some of them do have sons and daughters it kills me to hear that they been left there without them even wanting so..

i am afraid, i love my parents as much. i am blessed to have a close-net type of family. we just don't know what might happen in the future, but i am really hoping for the best to everyone who are living, may everyone are as happy as they can be and don't have to face such difficulties.

wishing myself..

this semester is so tough.. i am stuck in between of all my works and all the assignment that i have to submit..

i am just afraid that this will not go my way, so many times is used for other things rather than studying. i liked it though. i like all the experience that i gain here. induction was so fun.. friends and all juniors are all great although there is some glitches over here and there i still appreciate it all... seriously, who are we to judge people right.. even maybe what they do are wrong..

what happen can't never be rewind, facing it is all you can do.. i never quite understand the real reason someone would do such thing, but guess he would have his own reason to say that. something are better to be left alone and never be said to others, even posting it would do damage to someone else..

i am actually trying to put myself in so much responsibilities so that i will not feeling alone because getting alone really sucks! seriously! when you are in a relationship where u think will not work out you'll feel deprived and lost so much.. i really don't know.. i wanted to cry but then there is no shoulder for me to cry on...

so let me cry a river right now!

early stages

i haven't been thinking about this lately but then it came to me, but it seems that people would do anything to get others attention eventhough it is somewhat lame.. as for me, i myself would be thinking the same thing, it bothers me sometimes that how can i be acting that way when seriously people just don't care?? hahahaha

i was trying so hard to be nice, smiling and all and still i felt incomplete. seriously i feel handicapped, unable to do something on my own, whether it is the fact that i don't know how to, or even i really don't have the guts to do it.. well i am trying. how can people get the confidence that they need when they know that they are unable to do it? wow. is this a sign? a sign of lacking a lot of self confidence.

somehow i think that what i write still helps me so much in telling myself that i can do it.. i must right? i should right? hehehe.....

as for me..

i know it is not that appropriate but i really need a distraction right now. somehow, it is getting hard for me to stay focus... i am afraid i carried myself too far in enjoying myself..

i do try as hard as i can be, but i don't know whether it is that important anyway, i am getting bored of it already.

it bugs me so much, that i havent grown myself yet, and for some reason i am stucked the way i am right now.

i wanted to evolve myself so that i can really get through with everyting, but then i couldn't do so.

i suddenly realize how far apart i am to some of the person beside me. so far that we attract each other.

ok i really don't get it what i wrote anyway.

thanks for reading. do please give some comment please...