regrets...

is it wrong to regret on some things you've done before?

i sometimes think that i should have not get a good score on my first sem, i regret because i hate how people would presume me that i am so good. i hate the feeling of people expecting me to do good in what i do.. it consumes me, it hurts me so bad that i in fact know that i am not that perfect that i do make mistakes.. i hate it so much.. i wanted to do whatever i would love to do and having people to presume me to do something like that, i really really feel uneasy..

maybe it is just me thinking this, but then i am a person who think a lot about people surrounding me and it affects me so bad.. for instance, a person would tell, i expect you to do better then this, taking from your past result, you are a great student, and why? why do you get something so mediocre like this?

i think too much that i made myself to believe that am i that good, will i be able to past myself? deep inside, i am scared, scared to face the fact that i am really losing it.

i am searching what is so different in me today and before, did something lost in the middle of everything?

i think i did lost something, my focus is somewhat shifting, on something. guess i have to put the focus i have before to make myself much more stronger!

well is it a new leaf??

hehee... would u??

the worst just happen to me... i kinda think that i am losing it... anyway... i really don't think that it matters anyway, guess the first time is pure luck... sometimes i do question myself whether i am worth it or not...

people keep on judging that they think they get the whole picture of who i am and reality is they don't wahahaha...

i really like to do something so out of the ordinary but then again i am just some plain ol' joe who think he knows everything that everyone would just say okay great he done it too... hahaha...

if this matter continue to happen, what would i do anyway, is it normal to feel like you are so down and wanting not to care anymore? what happen happened i guess and there is no turning back. the person i am today.. i do self doubt myself, i wanted to make something that sometimes i feel very out of reach and would i be able to do so..??

and you know what, i guess i am the type who would write what so ever depending on the mood that i am in an thus some people would question what the heck is he trying to convey...

watching and using too much internet suddenly made me realize that we are so consumed with what we think so cool.. well not forgetting that we are so into to make people think that we are so good in everything including giving opinion and thus giving people the benefit of the doubt after reading any comment that been posted... :) at first i am too trying too give opinion but then again i must have my own ways of saying so and sometimes it is inappropriate that made me to be more quiet..

still who am i to say right?

something stupid.

well its me again, has not been writing for some time due to being busy doing something else. well of course tomorrow would be the result day and i am here, still awake thinking on how is my performance during my last semester, i just could not put it to a clear picture, but it seems that i am losing my touch, have i been playing too much, or because i am not that bright.

you know what, as much as i know, i have been trying too hard but then again i got lost in the middle and doing something else. is it my fault for not getting a good result, i just don't know. i did my best doing all the works that is so important and still my it is mediocre. what the heck..

what i am afraid the most is that i got left in behind of my friends. all of them seems to be doing fine but me, but why? am i one less then them? what makes them so different from me that they are good than me?

i have been trying to find the great formula to get the best of me and as an example, last semester, i lost it, my pointer gone down and i felt really down. why? some parts of me says that its all my fault for not doing as good as i could but then, did everyone put their expectation too high for me and demand me that i MUST do great in all the exam that i enter. i hate the feeling of loser.

as much as i may not look competitive, i too felt a bit down when some of my fellow friends got much better grades than me. it kept me thinking, have i been playing too much that i did not read all the things i should read?

but why? is my brain smaller than theirs? i do have the same brain but then, what affects me is that i have the tendency to forget everything as if i could not register all of the information that i get straight to my brains. the folders just keep deleting itself without any of my permission and that sucks! so bad...... i am not a super human that have a photographic memories and can remember all the things they saw once they read it. i did read it all...

i just wish that i can get good grades thou. i really really, really need it so bad!

i sometimes question myself, why are you doing this to yourself? you got so many things to prove and then u got so carried away and starting to loose focus? is that so? i am not the person i am when i first entered there! what the heck... it seems that i need to rearrange myself more there the next time i went there okay! just remember that.

A Short as i can be

whether to lie or not, i guess i am obliged to what i think right.. sometimes i blame it on my instinct in doing such stupid action, but then again u like it so much. u like it that u hate it sometimes, how easily u would be falling for that, but why? is that my weakness, i am easy to be used?

i have to admit i sometimes put my friends first and without even thinking in what the outcome would be, but i loved them so much, guess that is how friends works, you gain some and then u lose some right?

i am thankful, so thankful that i manage to meet as much people as i travel to different places, it really opens my eye towards some issues that i think would be hard to be discuss in my place. but come to think, the reason is because most of the are youngsters that are open to everything and some of the people there are just the same as in my place, so its more to like meeting with person that is on the same boat as you are.

dear friends, i know i have not been contacting you lately, but yeap that is who i am, i am the one who is lazy to text and yeap i rarely got any text from you guys too.. so in a way it is fair right? hehehehe :D, no hard feeling guys, i still love the whole lot of you and hopefully we will meet... :D

hello world.... hehehe.

it has been months since my entry on my blog..

haven't got the time to put my mind on a form of words... but yeap.. here i go...

it shocked how many people are using facebook right now... but it really happen.. guess people really got into what they call globalization, the world become smaller, and people can be connected on the tip of their finger... wow. fun.. even in my place. i can say almost 60-70 percent of the people are using facebook, ranging from 16-40++ years old.. i felt very odd about this, it seems that facebook is sweeping the nation. even i myself have to admit that i am a facebook freak.

facebook is addicting... everyone at any age really can find something to relate to this social network. guess facebook have their strength and all. what i got bored about what happening to my facebook, is that people are really spoken to their words out, and for me, my facebook are for fun and connecting with people who knows me.

i got so bored of reading all the so called comment that is so "informative" and all.. its just not me, hahahaha, i really don't get it why must they get so serious about all of this, everything is just fine for me... :D

btw i love u guys!!! cheers and stay connected to facebook :D.. stay cute!!!!

If i must say

Well to start things off, I am getting so much busy lately, with my club’s activity and all… omg, and what I hate the most is that, I’m starting to question myself. Am I being true to myself lately? I realized that I am starting to play a lot, distracted by time and the urges of getting an instant pleasure that suddenly when I realized it; it is too late for me to turn back.
Never intended to be like that, but I am the type of person who really like to be pleasing myself and after that, will ask himself, what is the point anyway? Still I have a lot of fun I must say.
Question, how far do you know me as a person? Did I relate to your life? Did I do something that could change the course of your life? Have I affected you somehow?
I have to say, after leaving Ranau, I have met with a lot of different people, that in my point of view are very colorful, so much so that each of them really bring something to the table. Sometimes it gets me so much, but most of the time, it was happiness when they are around.
Or maybe because they’re the one who changed me to become someone who is different from who I am before, a shy person who would only talk to his close netted friends. I love everyone! No matter where you guys are right now, you’re the best!!! Hehehe
I remembered a scene in Grey’s Anatomy, where it talks about, how people would grow up and would find their own sets of friends, their “tribe” the one who understands them, so much that they know and would love to share a bit of their hearts and would believe in whatever you’re doing. Have I found mine? That is the question, and my answer would be I guess I’m in the midst of searching. But I love them so much! Friendship comes and goes, and I am cherishing all of this moment right now. In the hope that they would be same also, let’s get together!

Friends, I am wishing all of you, a Happy Eid Mubarak, I love you guys!!!

if i could only smile...

i don't know if jealousy is something that is bad nor good..
dubbed as one of the deadly sins.. guess god created it for a reason.
i don't whether to label myself as one, but then again, i am admitting that i am one jealous person.. just don't know..

owh ya.. i forgot.. last night, was my meeting with all the old komed members.. come to think about it again. i quite suprise that i myself not that keen on being the YDP and stuff, although all the juniors are eager to be one.. hehehe good for the..

the funny thing is that.. i don't know, but they looked so rehearsed, that this one girl.. said.. something about... "tipu lah if they said that they don't one to be YPD" but then again, yeap u'll always will hear people using that words.. but its kinda bored... yeah it is true, but do you really have to say that? guess not right?

Oh gosh, does that counts as trashing other people? sorry dear it's just what i think and i don't think it is bad.. just that... it gets me sometimes...... and someone said again, i am so close with all my batch, the thing is we were in the different class, and if i could only be on the same class with them i would love to work with them... awww.. such sweet words..... but reality is so good to be true.. not all people would love to work with you,

even me myself.. i don't think that so many people would eager to be in the same group as i do.. guess what.. the world does not revolves on us... sometimes all the "i can do it, i would do better" just don't work when the whole world are against you...

so in advance i would love to say, i'm sorry if this thing that i said somehow made you feel angry.....

but i think, this is my way of saying to myself to be much more better and try to reevaluate myself to be much more better....

p/s, gosh.. would you believe it!! last month i just got a year older... 22 years old already.. hahahaha... lame... and i am still acting as if i am 17... hehehe.. guess you inner-self really stay young for a long time is it??

Been thinking a lot...

i know.. i have not been writing my blog for a long time, guess i was busy doing nothing and also have nothing to write, sending my apologies to anyone who read my blog for not updating it for so long.. btw, guess it all in the news that my campus was one of the first to be closed due to the infection of H1N1, so i went to Layang-Layang, located at kluang johore for the whole week. did nothing much therer. although i did some traveling to Batu Pahat and Johor Bahru... it was so much fun there. although yeap people would say, going to KL is much more fun... maybe.. haven't got the chance to stay there, although i have so many cousins living there... i manage to take some picture there, but mostly the picture is so OTT, that i think that people would laugh at it... hahaha including me... going such places did give me an insight in how people would be living and how culture do differ in places.....

thanks for letting me stay in your house radzi!! i do love you place so much... and if one time you could come to my place it would be fun i think... hehehe

what shocked me the most this week is the death of Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad, one of the best director in malaysia as i may say. Life to has it end for everyone, and everyone have to accept it one day...

sometimes i do question about life, what is our real purpose to live, as a muslim of course we live in the hope that day after we died, we would have the real happiness from Allah S.W.T. but for me i think that, it is something more, we were given time here to find love, friends, enemies and it is neverending.... a life is like a long walk, where you will found everything in the road. but for what? it is inevitable...

take for instance, you are meeting with someone else, and then suddenly you disappeared, then would the person would be thinking about you? the same way as you would during your friendship time? some may but some not.

2 months of holiday is over...

gosh, going back there again.. yay.. what would be like this sem?

firstly, of course new coordinator maybe will be heading the program, will be waiting who would it be..

also, my 2nd ramadhan there, fasting about a month there, fun i hope... hoping to get back home during the syawal...

what i hate going back there is that, i have to endure a long journey, from the airport to malacca, that's so far..

btw friends, don't be suprised with what you would see the changes in me... i think i gained some weight again.. lol

ok till then, praying for a safe journey ahead and seeing all my friends there... :D

love you all!!!

thank you..

it really gets me.. sometimes i wonder what would i be doing later on. people are so eager to finish their study and the go the working sector.

is it bad for someone to be envious of people who already achieve what they wanted to, i mean for the to be working and having all the money that they can have. as for me, i think what bothers me the most is the fact that i still don't any planned future yet. everything so unclear to me. finishing this, i won't be able to immediately have job instead i have to fight for a place in the industry that i think very demanding. unlike me, most of my friends are choose the career that i think really would make their future so bright.

people sometimes question other people's choices in life, thinking that it would be better for them to do something else. everyone is trying to do something in their life that would be beneficial for them in the future, even if that means to put their personal interests aside.

is it wrong for people to do something more different from that? although yes for sure there would be so many problems that might happen, i'm the type of person who is maybe very shy but i don't think that people should question other people's choice right?

what i happen to realize that, when people done something fairly different, they would be talk across the town saying that its better for him/her to do something else. people would only be thinking about the money itself. yeap i do notice nowadays money becomes more very important, but i really hate that just because of that you have to take the easiest way to do things in life.

but really, who don't want money right. but life is not that easy. i learned from hardest and i think that people who got to what they are now is pretty much lucky. me on the other hand are not that lucky to be able to be workingi n the young age. but then again i think it require a lot of guts and passion to do such things.. and i hope that whatever i do, it would be something that i would really love to do.. hehehe..

starting my holiday....

yeah... holiday just started for me. almost a week at home. fun. and at the same time i don't know what to do. its going to be some short holiday when you think about it again. what bugging me is that, i got nothing to do. wanted so bad to buy something but then i don't have any money.

forbidden to work, i try as much to lessen my usage of money.

omg, i feeling so nervous when i think about what is my result for this sem going to be, is it going to be good? the chances are very low........ but yeap just keep a positive attitude right?

anyway, its good going back, and suddenly i saw so many changes going on, whether it is for the good or bad. so many thing happens... don't know what to expect later on.. till then.. bye. :D

ok two more left this sem...

hey... omg people. i was so happy that my exam paper would be finish in about two more weeks.. the gap is pretty big.. so i think that i would still have time to study everything... but the thing is.. i'm so freaking missing home right now, and plus my ears is killing me...

i'm in such a pain, and hopefully i could stand it.. was it meant to be this painful??

anyways... i dunno. but right now i'm very consumed wif playing games an all.. and my paper is not that very far.... gotta get things straight...... hopefully i wont be playing games too much.. hehehe...

a week without assignments... hehehe

well at last it is over.. the sem is almost finished and yep.. no more assignment.. can't wait to go back home.. hehehe

btw.. i think this sem is rather hectic and i'm more emotional disturbed than before.. wahahah... so many things happen and thus i really so tired already.. don't even mention about my room... it so dirty that i think my friend are quite disappointed with me.. my cloths is everywhere, my bed is so messy u can even see all the book on it.. hahahaha whatever.. when i am lazy i can be so lazy.

if you guys know.. well this sem i was one of the comittee for the photo gallery, which of course were the worst as said by most of the lecturers.. what can i say, it is the worst, i think in term of ht eway is is been done.

i know that there is nothing that can be done to unde what has happen, but for me, they had tried so hard so that the event would go on as good as it can. lack of control and time management i think it one of the big causes of this problem, and that is what the most of the committee members is lacking.

every excuses seems to be a way to put the blame on others, and for me the best way is to accept it to be and move on...

it affected me so much that i don't know whether i would be able to do any events in the future and whether people would believe in me..

i totally got to see the true colours of some of my friends until now, and i think that it is normal for people to act that way, noting that i don't even know their background or life outside right?? hehehe... so what.. i respect them as they respected me... right?? hoohoho hopefully..

can't wait to go home.. hehehe... i'm hoping for the best this final exam and still will be able to get good grades... wish me k??? :D daa~

a week before holiday..

well this is the last week for me to do my study, and after that, of course its holiday!! yay.. but for god sake, can someone help me to do my works please.. hehehe.. cuz there is so much more to be done..

what the heck, how am i suppose to get the best when all i do is getting it done a the very last minutes? hahahaha who cares right... hehehe...

anyhow.. there is something occurs to me during sometime this morning. i been wondering.. what type of blog should i do? there so much more that can be written down, but i've been only writing more about emotion and nothing else.. i'm quite interested in writing something so serious but then again i don't got the urge to get all the information unless i'm so very interested in it.. hahahaha.. who cares right? well i'll be thinking more about it in the future.. busy busy.. hehe daa~

opss...

omg!!! the sem is almost over. and still have so many assignment have to be handed in.. wow... what a joke right?

that is what you got when you do something without heart and soul in it.. lol ok cheers everyone!!!

working like robots.....

humph.. guess it got tougher right.
just went for my group's interview with the editor of berita harian, well it is so much fun until u realize that there's a lot left to be done.

what else should i do then, rather than trying to finish all my assignments and sleeping my whole day off? gotta think on doing something else. something that i can really enjoy.

been spending too much cash man, and still a lot of things to pay. man! i really in dire state of a good shopping. shopping what? i really don't care at least it can be something that i really love.. clothing and etc.

sometimes it occurs to me, why is it that i continue to study when in reality i could just be working right now, guess i've been hearing so much about people getting all the money that they want, and me still having to depend on my parents for money.

well guess that's the life for me.. right

man.. i dunno, what would it be this sem. below 3.5? i'm totally stressed out right now.. even the BEL is so hard.

anyone.. help me!

i guess

if living can be easy like eating. surely life would be boring.

if living can be assume to be simple, then why do god create emotion just to bother us?

what is the prize for the winner again? is there any?

i think it is child's play. grow up people!

life as it happens to me

gotta say,



i did have fun during my week of holidays.. went to some places that i never been before and that is so totally new to me. seeing friends of a friends really opened my eyes that i never thought that i would make good friends with them.



btw, i went to johor during that week, sometimes it feels like home but then again i was really wishing that i could be on my own home. doing what i like the most. onlining of course (haha or people would say, no life)... i like it though..



totally been missing my dirty bed at home.. hahaha



right now i feel as if time really slowing down.. not that i don't have anything to do, it's just that i somehow really missing home right now... so much.. a total different from the last 2 sems i was here before. huh... and don't get me started wif the subjects and all... omg!!



if you asked me, what have i gain there at johore, what i would say is, there's a lot of places that caught my attention. i maybe a person who prefers to see all the people and would like to see their action, but then again people got so busy with their own life.

i manage to go to the beach during my days there, btw, it is like an hour to go there, and of course what i ride to go there was only a motorcycle.... hahahahaha fun though but at the same time i feel so in a dangerous position.. omg! the road was nice enough to be straight but what i'm afraid was the cars that was so fast...

got back to the campus on friday, and arriving here, i got so frustrated with so many things, a lot..... not only i was broke.. i'm emotionally unstable at that time. so true man, i guess that what's you get when you are a 'yes man' always saying yes to people when all you can say no to them just for once...

got in to a Photography camp on saturday till sunday (more likely a 24 hour camp)...... where i found it quite interesting and somehow feel so bored at some times.. hahahaha

learned a lot on how to use a DSLR camera, but no that very great photographer though.... that's the first time my whole class act as classmates...

btw, if you know me, am i a person who is hard to get close to?

hehe k dude. gtg.. daaa!~

holidays and works..

it is true that holiday may never be saparated...

god.. less than one week, and a lot of things to be done.. i dunno whether i'd be able to finish the works by then..

going to johore this holiday.. what is cool there anyway? anyone have any idea? hurmm lol.. guess i'm up to something that surely new to me... hohoho lets just wait and see whether johore have something to offer to me.. wanna see new things though...

already rented a camera for the whole sem, and some of my friends said it's so expansive.. talking that you could buy a lot of things with the money and all but the thing is, non of the are able to help me whenever i need help (though i never really wanted any help from them right now)....

been seeing people's blog lately, and they are an avid blogger i must say, always have something to write on.. hehe.. and here i am, stucked in writing things that became spikes in my head.

just opened my friendster today, got a lot of messages from my friends, hehehe thanks guys, i already sent you my reply, hoping that you would be reading them...

here's what is important to be this coming holiday:

1. individual assignment: a. graphic
b. PR
c. CTU

hope i could manage it before my holiday ends..

btw i was so eager on learning photography today, but then, suddenly the class got cancelled, man!!!! i was so annoyed....

people... get this, i'm a person who contains a lot of shy juices inside my body, so don't mistake me for being such an arrogant brat...

i'm trying hard to learn more about this blogging thingy.. and hoping that by the time i would be able to change anything that is related to this.. hahah lets hope so k.. so by then.. seeya!!

happy CNY everyone.....

the haunting tasks....

this sem of course would be a sem where, we are going to do a photography gallery, which of course a very hard task to do, my friends and of me, we are trying to make it as good as possible, well looking from the pasts, they done quite good works, and i don't know whether i would be able to give what the event would really want....

i made a deal with myself that i try to take some responsibility this sem, and i guess this event is one of my ways to get myself started. i totally don't know whether i'll be up to do those things, although i enjoy to have some responsibility.

the fact is, right now, i'm in the midst of not having the urges to read nor study, i kindda got lost in the way of learning... the subjects made me feel so unable to do, while the rest of my friends are getting so good on it.. gosh am i become lost here. again for the second time around, after failing your stpm? i trying so hard not to repeat it but then again, what am i suppose to do when all i do are not as higher no better then the rest?

adding to that... guess what, i'm admitting that i can't control spending my money. Omg... for what? i also don't know.. heheheh well nevermind then, time for me to go.. later guys!

happy i assume?

well been here for almost three weeks already...

assignments? well there's a lot already!!! and seems like, i totally don't have any idea in what to do this sem, wow! coming from a sort of good students, that's gotta be meaning something isn't it!! la la la... i totally don't know whether this would be the end for me..

i think i did something so bad this sem.. so bad, that i regret in doing that!! well, i always known for spending money for nothing, not that it's new to me.

either way, wanna learn more about anything this time, i'm trying to devote my free time in reading many books and yeap socializing, which is a very hard thing to do, unless you are someone who have friends everywhere!

i know it's gonna sound so last year but, yeap i just started watching what they call "gossip girls" and yeap, i have to admit it, it's addicting, seeing some spoiled chicks and brats. yeap.. it's all that a viewer eager to see. lol... guess that what teenagers and late teenagers would likely to watch anyways... hahahah right?

this year, i'm thinking of doing something that is so not me, trying to give something to people, love i assume? or what aeh?

cannot make my mind, what to do?

trying to get a lot of good pics for my assignmnet, and yeap. dunno when or where i could get one, usually right, people would say that, try to think in a different ways.. ok! i'll try.

i think i'm still not concentrating in my studying! so many things are playing in me.. friends can sometimes be very distracting.. OMG, and i am spending so much when i went out with them! a lot! hahahaha what to be changed?

really trying to depend on my own here, but sometimes really am bothering my pa and ma.... that's hard man! when you don't have any experiences in doing anything on your own... la la la la.... god bless!

gosh i totally need to plant my roots here. try to be more clear that i'm just some ordinary dude, who has nothing but the heart to spare.. lol!!! hahahaha ok then time for me to go.. will be updating real soon, hahaha for what anyway right!! it's not like people would be reading this over and over again!!

hahahaha later!! daaa~ thanks for reading btw!