something stupid.

well its me again, has not been writing for some time due to being busy doing something else. well of course tomorrow would be the result day and i am here, still awake thinking on how is my performance during my last semester, i just could not put it to a clear picture, but it seems that i am losing my touch, have i been playing too much, or because i am not that bright.

you know what, as much as i know, i have been trying too hard but then again i got lost in the middle and doing something else. is it my fault for not getting a good result, i just don't know. i did my best doing all the works that is so important and still my it is mediocre. what the heck..

what i am afraid the most is that i got left in behind of my friends. all of them seems to be doing fine but me, but why? am i one less then them? what makes them so different from me that they are good than me?

i have been trying to find the great formula to get the best of me and as an example, last semester, i lost it, my pointer gone down and i felt really down. why? some parts of me says that its all my fault for not doing as good as i could but then, did everyone put their expectation too high for me and demand me that i MUST do great in all the exam that i enter. i hate the feeling of loser.

as much as i may not look competitive, i too felt a bit down when some of my fellow friends got much better grades than me. it kept me thinking, have i been playing too much that i did not read all the things i should read?

but why? is my brain smaller than theirs? i do have the same brain but then, what affects me is that i have the tendency to forget everything as if i could not register all of the information that i get straight to my brains. the folders just keep deleting itself without any of my permission and that sucks! so bad...... i am not a super human that have a photographic memories and can remember all the things they saw once they read it. i did read it all...

i just wish that i can get good grades thou. i really really, really need it so bad!

i sometimes question myself, why are you doing this to yourself? you got so many things to prove and then u got so carried away and starting to loose focus? is that so? i am not the person i am when i first entered there! what the heck... it seems that i need to rearrange myself more there the next time i went there okay! just remember that.