true meaning of holiday.....

well some may say, holiday is the time for you to relax, chill out and do the things you really like to do. right? but then again, when you got used in doing so many works at one time, you may feel as if your are quite bored with the idea of doing nothing in a whole day.

guess holiday is not that fun anymore, lol. until you realize that you've been overdoing yourself and somewhat missing home so dearly. am i right...

it's already at the end of the year. i never felt that a year went that fast, adding to that i've been already a year doing my program at malacca. a year seems to be so short..

so many things happen whether it is fun or sad. even now, i feel and nervous thinking what my result would be for my second semester. dear god, may i have a decent result k.

somehow i feel as if i'm turning into a new leaf. new friends that i met really opened my eyes in seeing things in a different ways. back home you might only found friends that maybe have the same background of you.. and you feel safe for that, because you know you in a right environment, but try, try being in a place that is totally not yours and you are all by yourself. trying to adapt to what you should... all of this takes time and guts.

back home during my holidays really got me thinking that once you're back, you're just the same as your are before, places my change but the people you touch may never change, friends who are close to you will always be there, smiling and greeting you as if you never left them.

hey guys, how are you? great i hope?

i'm so kind of stressful in thinking what i might do after finishing all this? having a decent job is what i prefer, but then again you may never know what may happen. that really scares me, it's not like i'm not searching, but guess god have a better plan for me.

i sometime envy them, my friends who already got in to work, guess they are much lucky right. what is right for me anyway? what does life holds for me?

ok.. thanks for reading.. love your guys so dearly

uncertainty

i hate this when things like this happen, it's not the first time it happen to me, and it makes me sick... if i did do something wrong then tell me, why do you have to keep it to yourself?

if you think that i let you down, then just tell me the truth and leave me, just say "enough" and leave me... isn't it much more easier?

rather than hurting yourself more, how bout letting yourself free from me.......

how do you know when you're in the right place?

hurmm i always asked myself the question, are you one of them? and do you really think that you really as one as them?

i don't know, but sometimes, i feel as if i'm a wannabe, a lunatic who's trying to gain acceptence in a way, but i guess, i held something back..... i quickly learned that i am just who i am....

i love getting to know people, but then again, i don't know what people may say about me, they maybe making fun of me and yeap i didn't even realize about it.

gosh, i maybe that naive, right?

plus so shy, i know, yeap, someone who saw me, might be seeing me just putting my heads down, or maybe just walking straight not even glazing to my left nor right....

yeap, i sometimes feel as if i'm getting strange gaze from people, and i don't know how to react, not that i really don't like to see people, when i see people directly, i tried to be friendly and yeap give a smile, that's it, dunno what else to do..

ok next years resolution is..... to be more friendly.... hahahaha...... support me!

the day after arriving..

i arrived home yesterday, and it's so totally cold with all the rain..



hurmm i don't know even here it's been raining.. how bout your place, is it been raining??



it's so weird when i'm on a holiday, i got used doing all the assignments last minute and yeap rushing to read all the things before the quizes and tests... lol



eitherway, i would ask, what would change your perception to others?



guess some of my friend suddenly hate me, i don't know, have i bruised them or what?? if i did, then tell me why, so i could give my reason and even say sorry for even causing that.



lol anyway.. urmm i totally don't know what to do, so, if you got any idea on what should i do during my holidays, why don't share it with me. alright?

mistakes.... changes.... life - in the eyes of me?

well... well.... well... it never occurs to me to be writing on something like this, but i guess my brain really wants to be telling something that bothers me for a long time, what is the meaning of mistakes?? can it be mended? can it be turned back the way around?

mistakes......

as a human being i indeed have been doing a lot of mistakes that i think are unmendable, i hurted some people and i guess karma had played it parts to me.. i guess i take people to much for granted and it never occurs to me to be just who i am, a big mistake that i should have avoided, pardon me everyone if i evey cause you any kind of problems. but life has always been like that, we mingled around, joke around, and at the end of the day we completely forget about others and just think about ourselves. i really don't know what to do, somebody just told me that i am so selfish and thinks that others are no good around me, did i? it is the most dreadful things that i am trying so hard to avoid looking bad at others, did i do it to anybody, i can say to myself that i have the tendency to correct others but that's just me. i don't know if it is bad..... what should i d then, just keep quiet and let the problem to be swept away... may be i am a perfectionist, in a way, of wanting to get something that is perfect in front of my eyes, when instead i sometimes did mistakes, a lot of mistakes, and i hardly ever going to tell everyone about it.

i have the tendency to keep it to myself, as long as others don't know about it, sometimes i feel as i am thrown in a no man's land. i am alone with myself, friends are all around be but still have a hard shell covering around me, i don't know but i want to somehow make a hole in my shell, a small hole so that i can relate others to me.

i have a lot of things to hide, a lot... and i don't know until when i could hide it under my sleeves..


changes........

yeap its been almost a year since i've been studyin here, a guess what, i can feel that i in a different line between my friends back home, everyone have their own life to live now, some of the even are already working right now, and i am struggling to be what i want to be, i want to do, i guess i choose the road that is least walked on by people, and i am going to be in a different and not so like them in a way.

i feel as if i went back in time and befriended all the youngsters again here, as you have know, most of diploma students here are aged on their late teens or may i say, 18-20, and i, i am going to be 22 next year, and most of the said that i am a complete child than they are. well... what to do, that's their mindset right?? but then again, some of them are as old as me, and i can completely turned the table around and talk to a more serious business when the time came for me to do such things... i do right???

a week of study and boredom

gosh.. i got about 8 days gap before my final paper this sem and yeap, i got nothing to do here.... almost all of my friend will be going back home earlier that me.. that sucks man!!!!! my paper is on the last day of the sem, just like last sem...

about my human comm paper last sunday, hurm i don't know. either i did it well or completely made it as a mess... not only i got my brain jam on the final, i manage to forget some of the things that i have read for about 4 days straight!!!! that's just not fair.... ughh and after doing the paper i got so many butterflies in my stomcah, i want to hurl what inside of me....

i don't know whether my pointer will be good or turning out to be so bad this sem....

my last paper would be introduction to mass media, and guess what, i have a lot to cover.. still not started my reading yet....

i manage to borrow a novel from the library and in the midst of reading it.. by john grisham, the last juror,



kind of a thriller book, some how the book seems to be so humane in time i'm reading it, the writer manage to tell a detail story about the case.. it is my first time reading books about crime actually and i kind of like it... really want to finish reading the book...

can't wait to go home, but then again, i am afraid of going home alone to KL.... la la la la....

wish me luck for my final paper k...

god... i'm am bored??

well 2 paper left to finish, then straight back home.... hehehehe

still there is so much problems to be settled....

and a lot more to come i think.... so what to do?? even getting back home is such a pain in the ass... god.. why can't things be that easier?? ughhh i don't know guess these problems wants be to become more independent... hahahaha yeah!!! independent, here i come!!!

Afraid of what?

What I like the most with people is to watch who their really are. I’ve been here in what they say the most beautiful, up to date places and every other things and I think that they lost a lot of human touches in them, we became so very desperate for something that is not tangible and out of our reach. I feel as if I have been seeing too much lost in them, especially when you see them to be changing drastically in such a short time, for what? Something that is good for a short while?

Maybe I am a person who hates changes but, for god sake, how can someone just change themselves when they are in other places. The distraction that they found got to them. I don’t know let’s wait and see whether I would be a person who would likely be that. But really I don’t want to be like that.

I would like to raise a question here, for you what do you think hold you together her? And for me I have to say that my love for my parents. I know I’ve been a bad bad boy for sometimes. But really what holds me back to reality is that my parents are my priority. God.. what am I saying.. people are not that perfect okay…

Is that the price for the sake of coolness, am I loosing it too? I feel same? I’m not growing any horns or tails though, am i?

So the real thing is that, please god, don’t let me change for no reason, let me be me, although I’m not that cool at least let me have my pride please….

The fact is that change is undeniable….. learn to assimilate and stay true to yourself.