mistakes.... changes.... life - in the eyes of me?

well... well.... well... it never occurs to me to be writing on something like this, but i guess my brain really wants to be telling something that bothers me for a long time, what is the meaning of mistakes?? can it be mended? can it be turned back the way around?

mistakes......

as a human being i indeed have been doing a lot of mistakes that i think are unmendable, i hurted some people and i guess karma had played it parts to me.. i guess i take people to much for granted and it never occurs to me to be just who i am, a big mistake that i should have avoided, pardon me everyone if i evey cause you any kind of problems. but life has always been like that, we mingled around, joke around, and at the end of the day we completely forget about others and just think about ourselves. i really don't know what to do, somebody just told me that i am so selfish and thinks that others are no good around me, did i? it is the most dreadful things that i am trying so hard to avoid looking bad at others, did i do it to anybody, i can say to myself that i have the tendency to correct others but that's just me. i don't know if it is bad..... what should i d then, just keep quiet and let the problem to be swept away... may be i am a perfectionist, in a way, of wanting to get something that is perfect in front of my eyes, when instead i sometimes did mistakes, a lot of mistakes, and i hardly ever going to tell everyone about it.

i have the tendency to keep it to myself, as long as others don't know about it, sometimes i feel as i am thrown in a no man's land. i am alone with myself, friends are all around be but still have a hard shell covering around me, i don't know but i want to somehow make a hole in my shell, a small hole so that i can relate others to me.

i have a lot of things to hide, a lot... and i don't know until when i could hide it under my sleeves..


changes........

yeap its been almost a year since i've been studyin here, a guess what, i can feel that i in a different line between my friends back home, everyone have their own life to live now, some of the even are already working right now, and i am struggling to be what i want to be, i want to do, i guess i choose the road that is least walked on by people, and i am going to be in a different and not so like them in a way.

i feel as if i went back in time and befriended all the youngsters again here, as you have know, most of diploma students here are aged on their late teens or may i say, 18-20, and i, i am going to be 22 next year, and most of the said that i am a complete child than they are. well... what to do, that's their mindset right?? but then again, some of them are as old as me, and i can completely turned the table around and talk to a more serious business when the time came for me to do such things... i do right???