Mood: Tidak menentu...

hahaha.. well to much was on my mind today..

bah mana tidak... Been eating a lot people...

how on earth la mo kurus klu macam tu kan...

people said that to lose weight is easy... but not for me... kahkahkah

almost two weeks already at home and it gets me! omg.. i have nobody to talk too... no friends to make jokes with and i am so alone! it is not that bad but imagine having no contact at all from your buddies... wouldn't it be like hell??

haish....

Kali la.. i am a person who does not social well right?? but seriously... people do think i am approachable.. but then again i am the one who is lazy enough to mood my butt around.. hahaha

thanks for reading..

do check my other blog..

www.theblueinkpen.tumblr.com

Mood: Tidak menentu...

hahaha.. well to much was on my mind today..

bah mana tidak... Been eating a lot people...

how on earth la mo kurus klu macam tu kan...

people said that to lose weight is easy... but not for me... kahkahkah

almost two weeks already at home and it gets me! omg.. i have nobody to talk too... no friends to make jokes with and i am so alone! it is not that bad but imagine having no contact at all from your buddies... wouldn't it be like hell??

haish....

Kali la.. i am a person who does not social well right?? but seriously... people do think i am approachable.. but then again i am the one who is lazy enough to mood my butt around.. hahaha

thanks for reading..

do check my other blog..

www.theblueinkpen.tumblr.com

hello people... hehehe

for now i will be focusing more on my blog over www.theblueinkpen.tumblr.com

do please read and give me feedback :D

My whole three years

it is almost over, my three years here in Melaka,

been through a lot.. so much that i think that i become so familiar will people around me.. It has became on of my favorite places to travel.. although i didn't manage to go all the places i think i hold a lot of fond memories here. Some i think are really sweet and some were meant to be forgotten i guess.. :)

friends? i have a lot here.. i am very lucky.. i can be someone who is absorbing just like a sponge. people get well around me.. of course that is what i would say right.. but never mind.. I accept it... i am nobody..

people met and greet each others, and of course problems arises, it cannot be denied. it happen.... :)

i am so grateful

i am grateful to you, for staying with me, through thick and thin. during the troubling years. i seriously will miss you guys a lot.. i love you guys.!

I am what to you?

suddenly i realized that i am nobody... i wanted to tell myself that i can trust anyone.. but do they do the same to me? am i something to them? do i hold some importance to them? i am nobody....

i have to try and depend on myself more.. starting to do work on my on. i have to... i have to be an all rounder.. i must try and solve my own problems. seriously. that is the only thing that i think can help me know...

may i one day will be surrounded by people who i cared the most... :) i love you guys so much :)

A little bit more......

guess what, it is almost over.... 3 years in Melaka really paid off... managed to get all the things done in due time... only two more subjects left... hopefully everything will turn out good.
i wanted to ask myself... what have i acquired here while studying?
1. a lot of friendships.
2. a lot of obstacles.
3. a lot of money used
4. a lot of feeling lonely

have to say.. i am grateful, thankful towards all the people around me... although i may be old.. yeap i am 23 years old... much older that the rest of people here. i still haven't achieve what i am capable of... i hope to be given more time to prove to myself... helping the people who need help the most...

God has helped so much, His protection that i really need the most. Thank you Allah.

To wrap it up....

a month left...
i never knew things would be so fast like this... it seems like yesterday i have been here.... but why, in god's will.. i hope next thing that will come to me will be okay.. and i will always be blessed.. :)

got so many memories here, both love and hate...

met with a lot of people, new friends, new environment and everything.

i will surely missed everyone here. well that is something that i should not say for now right.. i do still have exam to face.. haha

btw, went to watch Eat, Pray, Love.

the movie was okay.. i like Julia Roberts acting, very good and it looked very natural. :D no wonder she was one of the most sought after actress in Hollywood right?

love the location, the scripts, and the cast... it is fun! overall a 4 star out of 5, great! heheh :D

last week was very busy for me, events to be handle.... assignments to be done... and of course it is still undone.. i should get things cleared out.. :D

Press me....

Well this will is so packed with all the things that i think is so hard.

like seriously.. omg, it may not look that hard actually but the degree of difficulty is so high people!

haish.. the nearer it gets the harder i think things will be, i wish for it to end sooner....

i want to feel free.. hahaha
:D

Owh really? is it?

Around two months to go... seriously, would it be nice if i just press the pause button right now..

things getting so much critical right now..

i just don't kn0w, for next sem it is going to be so much harder i guess.. come on people.. seriously... things were alright over here.. and suddenly it will not be the same.

well enough with all of that.. work as hard as you can right now.. so that next time it will be okay :D

holiday?

hello, hee, i've been in sabah 4 a week now.. Hee, chores at home are mounting.. I've been making cookies with my mama.. Was fun bcuz last year i didn't manage 2 help.. I've made about 6 types of cookies.. Which was awesome! Been thinking of making some bread pudding.. Hee... Later on wil do.. Hee, btw my assignment? I have not even startd doing it..hee, wasn't my fault! Blame d holiday okay, hee... Anyhow, i would love to say, happy eid fitri to all my buddies, my family... I love u guys so much, hee...

what are we actually...

am i the one responsible to all of this? Am i the one who is guilty? As i remembr, i am stil just as human u.. What is lacking between us is trust... Distance really caught the both of us.. I know it may be hard 4 d 2 of us.. So what's next? Is that it?

the weekend...

wah.. seriously... it is tough!!!!

i hate the feeling of not being able to do something.

i mean like.. we seriously did what we supose to do, but then wth.. it is getting harder and harder all the time.

things will not be easy i know, but seriously... why does have to much harder?? omg.. ughhh..!!!

the work is not that hard.. but the person in charge of it is the one who are making it much harder to work... haish..

thank your so much for making it a hassle!!!

How much do you know about me??

it occurs to me that we really are human.. we are someone who sees things on the outside only. we only cater to what met our eyes.. to be able to see something well beyond it is so hard, somewhat impossible to do either.

Hey! that person is that... is this.. the common things that might come out from people right.. even i sometimes do that.. but why?

we have to admit.. people somehow differ from within.. some of us born lucky.. and someone have to work hard to have things on their way.

To be able to see something well beyond the eyes is a gift.. a respect, and a trust that you give to others.

Random writing...

So much to do so little time....

as always, you always heard this right.. well nothing less happen this time.. Puasa is on and all i do is sleep.. it is not nice to do that only all the time.. but then again what can i do right? nothing else to do but my assignment here....

okay.. i'll try...

being all alone at home really burns me out.. it's like i am not able to talk to anyone, even say "hi"... wahhh.. this cannot be. i have to find a way to make life much more worth it.

wah.. i need to get ready for my research interview on Tuesday. still don't have the information needed but yeap have to finished it before monday.

Been thinking on going back for raya.. and I think that AirAsia is the best choice for now.. cheap... okay... there's nothing different when it comes to pick any airlines to go back.. it's just the same i guess for now. :)

Emotion may be vary.....

wah... hello2. it's the third ramadhan already today.. nothing much.. just fasting and doing the same ol routine all day long...

two of my housemates went back.. so it just me and one of my friend here... quite okay but at the same time a bit boring. hehehe...

i am so sorry if i ever make you feel mad again.

i have been a bad-bad person this past few weeks,

but it's not like i am mingling with the bad persons...

i'm with my bests of friends here.

if you would only understand.

please don't get mad on me again.

i'll try to not make you angry anymore..

i will...

so please? please?

u haven't even wish my birthday yet....

:(

Ramadhan for a month

it's the time again everyone, try to enjoy your Ramadhan and filled it with all the goodness that you can give...

try not to eat too much, sleep too much and do as many works as you can do, so that life can be more interesting.

it's only once a year, and there is no excuses in not fasting this month aight???

hehehe, i know that waking up for Sahur is so hard, but you need your food to stay energetic during the fasting time..

hoping for everyone to be happy and thankful to god Allah S.W.T for all the blessing that He had given.. Insyallah

Happy Ramadhan :)

The long road to realisation..

this week, it is a confirmation that yes, i am a bit free. Well there is no more things to look forward to other than hoping the next event would be greater.

i kinda miss how hectic it would be. how life can be more than just having fun on your on. meeting with other people and working with them really made me realize that we are just the same, no matter how young or old are you.


from this day forward, well my campus life would only be based on the assignment that has been given, the interview that is still vaguely in the making. i don't know how in the world can that happen when there is so much things tangled up in the middle.

i still don't get it, how people perceive me as a person. am i that bad? hahaha, there's this one new friend of mine and she said that i am kind of mean... well am i?? of course not, i am just me, happy, shy, and yes sometimes just would not be talking too much.

just ask me something and surely in return i will, yes i meant it that i will try to help you. :D

TTFN.... later guys :)

it's almost done..

well this weekend i will officially leave my position as a vice secretary...

hopefully the next KOMED will be as great or much better than us :)

nothing much to write for now, but i think that i should try to do something else..

its not that i don't have much free time before, but then i will don't have anything to look for later on. seriously... being in KOMED is really fun. sometimes it is hard, but mostly it is all about the experiences that i gain in doing the event and meeting with other people..

so much did i learn here, the world would not wait for you, you have to work your butt off.. pleasing people is hard, and have to stay positive even though it is the most hardest thing to do..

how i will miss the things that i enjoy to do :)

everything is unfinished...

seriously... My work wil never finish.. Its adding up n never work on my side... When somthng is done... Other problem seems to appear.. What d hecks.. Haish when wil thing goes easy on me... Hahaha... Its not that we really.. It is hard when u hav things turnd back on u... ):

happy 23rd birthday.

well today is my birthday. i am very grateful to all the wishes that i received, i love you all. 23rd already.. wow i guess getting older is very hard right.

i wish for the happiness all around the world.

a smile to all my friends

a dream to be achieved

a life to be well planned

a sweet messages from a lover

an unconditional love to my parent, brother, sisters, cousins, nephews, and nieces.

thankful to GOD,

i am who i am now, it is because of my surrounding, my friends, family. i love them so much. i learn so much, i love so much and cherish everything that i have with them.

time may fly, but memories never fades and will still be in my hearts,

thank you so much everyone

i love you... :)

Happiness ain't that far i guess..

Well too much happen to me last week. I am so much surprised that i will not getting my PTPTN this semester. Well who won't right.. i never realized that i have problems with this things. when i refer to the people who are connected to this matter, it seems that i had made a very silly mistake. Take this, it is said that i am an extended student, that i was supposed to be finishing my diploma last semester.. WTF.. seriously i am shocked.. so seriously..

suddenly i felt like so burdened. Been using my parent's money all the time for my enjoyment.. That is not a good thing i think.

Before, money seems to be not the problem, and right now it is. i have to think twice before even spending what i want. it is hard. seriously hard, when you are living far apart from your parents.

i know that some people might say that i am old enough to try and collect my own money. but seriously i don't have any job experience here and seems like my parents is the only source for money on my education.

i need to change.. a change would help me to be much matured i guess. matured in the sense of the way i spend my money.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

hurmm.. okay this is a promise i will try to update my blog as frequent as i can.. you know, i also have a lot of things to say but... then again, i am a person where people take lightly... a person who are so softspoken.. Seriously.. i think that i need to take a stand.. i have to brave.. right?? i am just a human as they are right?? i do have emotion to be taken care of and never to be left aside..

Getting Older.

It seems that time flies by so quickly that you could not catch up with yourself. You somehow felt the differences and u can't adapt to it.

When there's too much free time, you feel that there is nothing to do and the truth is that u have the whole burden to yourself.

The thing that i am afraid is that i am someone who can't seem someone talking. this is because i am a little bit curious and yeap i would thinks that what they are saying is something about me. i really don't know why.

i got the feeling that people do think that i am not capable of doing anything that they would presume me of not doing my job the way is should be.. it is not the matter that i can do it or not. it is the matter of trust. i feel that sometimes i don't get any trust from the people surrounding me and thus making me feeling a bit down. is it so bad??

what must i do then? i am trying so hard to be hard on myself and not feel sorry about anything that may happen to me.

sometimes, i feel so small that i am not at par with other people. seems like they got something more that i have. what the heck is that feeling anyway right... haish.

i am getting all frustrated about this. wish that i could find myself a way to think differently.

Sometime i just wish....

hey.. happiness is not that far right?

do you believe in happiness? is there such thing?

i love you? i miss you.. every sweet things that you enjoy telling others.. are they real? is it really from u? in my case yeah i do. i do miss you, i do love you.

a feeling is something so vague that sometimes people just don't see it.

it gets me sometimes.. the fear of being alone. how, if were to be alone, for the rest of my life, what would it be? will i be living in a retirement house somewhere? i am scared. i love everyone around me. i missed everyone. i like everyone. hopefully things will get better and things wouldn't be that bad in the future.

i wanted to know you so much that i think we can do something together, something that can make the both of us happy. but there's too much distraction and troubles arises that make it so hard for us.

lets just pray for good things to come our way.

My Best Friend.

They say, choose your friend wisely because they can either pull you together or down. i am someone who people can presume as friendly. i can smile and say hi to everyone.

There's a difference where you are in with someone who understands you and someone who only knows you from a far.

As for me, i learned that it is hard to start a friendship where you are someone who are somehow different from the other people. You will feel it lingering in your body. You'll start to wonder, will people accept me for who i am? will they be friend with me?

A good example is that, when you are studying abroad, you'll learn that you have to depend on others to help you go through all the hardship that you'll face. you'll learn that there is more that you have in common with them.

I love all of my friends, i love to meet with other people and share experience with them, try to make contact to them and always be there when they needed someone to. i still right now, trying to find one. someone who would share a piece of their hearts to me, the same way i would to them. and try, try so hard not to judge me the way i act and also try to take me seriously sometimes.

Time passes by, and of course all of the memories is not happy. sometimes, we fought, we cried, we felt that we've been stabbed from the back. That is life without a doubt. problems happen and it can't be denied.

We learn to respect our friends, we know what they are good about and what they are lacking. Thus we make it special to them.

But sometimes, friendship can really drain you. you feel so deprived that you got so annoyed with what they do. a freakish kind of emotion, that i think happen so frequent to me. Friends i guess will always feel that everything they do is something that is acceptable. but then i guess, what they forget is the emotion that one has to hold just to make sure that he/she will always be at the group that they feel likely to be grouped with.

A lot of best friend is fun, but when it is too much, we feel as if we don't have the time of ourself. we feel we are not good enough without them. in a case where we are too depended and believed to much on them. it is so annoying that way.

i think it would be not just me who felt that way. a lot of people would always feel the same that they even think worse.

In my opinion, a good friend is someone who really understand you, someone who would not look down on you and accept u as a person inside. not just for fun on you

Hey... I am Okay.

Seriously, I haven't been writing for awhile already. so many things getting in my way actually. so many things that sometimes i just keep it to myself that i don't think it is appropriate to tell anyone about that.

Just got my result a few days back, and boy what a relief that i managed to get quite a good marks for my fifth semester there.

i was not feeling so good when i was answering some of the finals. i lost confidence on what i can really achieve. I've been feeling this burden since my first time getting a Dean's List. What bothers me is that the expectation and also assumption that i feel. I know that i am not suppose to feel that way, but its just the way it is. i am a person who usually would over think on something that i think useless but in away could not bare to just leave it behind. Well that was some of the problem that i have there.

Back at home, well there was a lot of wedding reception invitation that came, some of which i managed to see. is it really my fault for not mingling around with them? i just could not find some connection, i tried, but then again i could not, i just feel different.

i am grateful, happy and just laid-back, some people would see me as a very naive person. right.

haish.. i guess i have too much time to spend, been at home for too long. haven't been in a function at all. where have all my friends went. is there still a place for me here?

holidays ahead

wow been at home for about two weeks already. it's kinda slow here. i just don't know, i got so used to be so busy all week there and when i got the chance to get home, i somehow slowed myself down. munching on food all the times, playing internet and less work.. hehe

getting home really give me the chance to be thinking a lot and yeap i do realize that i am not that good either. i am just me, normal.. i have been fooled that i got so many things on my sides.

i hate the feeling that i am not that capable on doing something.

Currently appreciating all of the things that i got..

really missing all my buddies there, like seriously, 2 weeks is so slow and alone, haish at least, if i am not busy with anything, i can just go to them and laugh all the way..

i missed my friends.... haish so much.. :(

can i?

i was thinking more when i got back home, how things are more laid back here.

there was less stress and so many time for myself. i pampered myself that i kinda got lost on what i suppose to do.

been online for the whole lot of my day and surfing the for other things that i think not that important.

i got lost..

somehow i think i strain my brain so much thinking of things that weren't that important, i mean seriously, why would i be thinking that i should have something that other people have right?? that envy..

i have my own confidence level and i am happy with who i am right now.. and i can't seriously can't just leave my old self go and thinking on having what is uncertain to me right?

try to be thankful on what you already have, and make room for new experiences to come.

will it be?

wahh.. seriously, i will be staying at campus until Tuesday,

hurmm.. howdy had not been writing for a long time and still i am here..

i recently finished my part five course already and all seems not to be going on my way. why o why, its not like i played too much just that things are not going on my way and i really don't know why... seriously if i think again, i did all of it.. and still it hadn't change a bit and i am getting bored of it.

why are all of this thing happening, seriously if i did not do everything why can't i get it all.. shit... and when this happen people would presume that i didn't done it right.. well i am just human and i guess human are not that perfect either right..

it has been a rough time for me here.

seriously, haven't left the campus for almost 4 straight months. even during the midterm holiday, i'm still here! haha

summarizing my sem this time... it was filled with colors. emotions really shown this sem.

hahaha writing something bad would surely make people mad. but the truth is that we can't escape it. we make some mistakes all the way. and i think that some are mend-able if you put your hearts to it.

we cried, we laugh and still in my case people can't really judge you for who you are here. somehow, we tend to let some of our heart to our own. something that you hold in to, so that you

can at least prepare yourself to use when in need.

right??

some random heart toughts

kadang kala kita sentiasa tertipu.. itu sahaja... hahaha bye

oh so happy

i am like... what?? seriously? lately been sleeping late for almost a week too many things to be settled before the study leave comes.. i am like okay.. will it be done anyway.

it's freaking me out man.. the event next sem, i really, really want it to go as planned and i think that i will be good enough if our presentation went we,ll... but for starters, so many things happen this sem.. things happening without me..

and btw i love eating tomato ketchup.. tangy.. mix it a little bit with a chillie sauce.. amazing!

the heat.

well, i mostly felt so stressed out.. too many things to be done at one time. i really don't know how to cope all of this matter at one time..

i wanted to do sumthing, somthing so gud that can make me so happy so any suggestion guys.. :D

An announcement...

i am willing to SMILE :D

i totally hate this part.

imagine putting yourself into a situation where u become so naive. so much so that u feel defeated and losing.
u are so naive that suddenly people took advantage on it.
its like shit man. i hate this, i have tried. tried so hard to be as kind to people giving them the same way i treated others but then again they misjudge me.
saying that i am guilty.

if i could really could not say no to that. like do i even care about the silence that was created between me and them. i tried.. and i couldn't care less anymore.

wanting back something that has already been broken is something stupid. at least that is in my case.
i cherish all the moment i have with them, but right now i guess our difference has gain on us.. and some things are meant to be left behind unfixed...

Something new.

Last week was week of fun for me.

i was staying at campus for the whole week alone at my level. you guys might not believe this, but yes.. i am having fun. seriously, i was out in town more than usual, watching about 3 movies straight and it was so much fun!

i thought my week will be so boring but then i didn't felt that much. when you have friends by besides u, then life would be fun right.

i guess my day now is fully filled with assignment and all the clubs activities. i sometimes felt that i am making it just to get out of trouble.

another thing that shock me was the demise of Alexander McQueen. One of the most sought after designer this decade. Stress was the cause they said.. but yeap may your soul rest in peace.

i missed home a lot right now, seriously... been here for about two months already, trying hard to keep it up her. Sometimes it gets me. how hard to please other people when sometimes they themselves couldn't care less about me. what is the point of being nice that way right? But seriously i think my naivety is something that people would love to take advantage on..

better take care of my own emotion right??

a day when you are me.

one words can really make a difference, why am i the one to be blame here? so did i ever talk bad on anyone? or just because of me being nice to anyone, they somehow took advantage on me. i so deeply annoyed with this, people's perception and all. i really can't take this anymore.

some wounds just can't be mended anymore. it leaves a scar that would be remembered forever, that is visible to your eyes. even if it just a joke it still hurts, and i guess things have changed and my changes is due to something that you yourself have started before.

i am thankful to everything that i hope that things would go on your way, the way u liked it to be.

Cheng, Elderly and a glimpse to the future.

for the first time in my life, i went to and elderly institution, where, people tend to the elderly people. at fist i really don't know what to expect, but then i get the whole clear picture.

people are every way so any reason. sometime it is due to what we do in the past and how life have brought them to the future that is today. reality can be daunting but it happen without us even knowing what to expect.

i did talk and mingle around with all the occupants there and most of them have their own story to share. how sadness and happiness is somewhat normal to them. they are immune to anything. giving smile to everyone and acting normal. It is acceptable for someone to be there if there is no one to take care of them, but upon hearing that some of them do have sons and daughters it kills me to hear that they been left there without them even wanting so..

i am afraid, i love my parents as much. i am blessed to have a close-net type of family. we just don't know what might happen in the future, but i am really hoping for the best to everyone who are living, may everyone are as happy as they can be and don't have to face such difficulties.

wishing myself..

this semester is so tough.. i am stuck in between of all my works and all the assignment that i have to submit..

i am just afraid that this will not go my way, so many times is used for other things rather than studying. i liked it though. i like all the experience that i gain here. induction was so fun.. friends and all juniors are all great although there is some glitches over here and there i still appreciate it all... seriously, who are we to judge people right.. even maybe what they do are wrong..

what happen can't never be rewind, facing it is all you can do.. i never quite understand the real reason someone would do such thing, but guess he would have his own reason to say that. something are better to be left alone and never be said to others, even posting it would do damage to someone else..

i am actually trying to put myself in so much responsibilities so that i will not feeling alone because getting alone really sucks! seriously! when you are in a relationship where u think will not work out you'll feel deprived and lost so much.. i really don't know.. i wanted to cry but then there is no shoulder for me to cry on...

so let me cry a river right now!

early stages

i haven't been thinking about this lately but then it came to me, but it seems that people would do anything to get others attention eventhough it is somewhat lame.. as for me, i myself would be thinking the same thing, it bothers me sometimes that how can i be acting that way when seriously people just don't care?? hahahaha

i was trying so hard to be nice, smiling and all and still i felt incomplete. seriously i feel handicapped, unable to do something on my own, whether it is the fact that i don't know how to, or even i really don't have the guts to do it.. well i am trying. how can people get the confidence that they need when they know that they are unable to do it? wow. is this a sign? a sign of lacking a lot of self confidence.

somehow i think that what i write still helps me so much in telling myself that i can do it.. i must right? i should right? hehehe.....

as for me..

i know it is not that appropriate but i really need a distraction right now. somehow, it is getting hard for me to stay focus... i am afraid i carried myself too far in enjoying myself..

i do try as hard as i can be, but i don't know whether it is that important anyway, i am getting bored of it already.

it bugs me so much, that i havent grown myself yet, and for some reason i am stucked the way i am right now.

i wanted to evolve myself so that i can really get through with everyting, but then i couldn't do so.

i suddenly realize how far apart i am to some of the person beside me. so far that we attract each other.

ok i really don't get it what i wrote anyway.

thanks for reading. do please give some comment please...

seriously

seriously, i think that things would be much better if we tolerate with each other, i had a bad time in trying to do the same thing though.

what's meant to happen will surely happen right, there is no turning back and talking endlessly about it, but one thing for sure, i am hoping for the best for everyone so that the work can be shared with everyone else..

after a week back here and went to most of the introduction class on all the subjects, nothing else to say other than it is hard and needs a lot of time management that i think i will be lacking off if i will not change myself.

tskk, useless to say but yeap.

i am currently asking myself, how much is much, i felt in my situation right now, i am getting very grumpy easily, and it bugs me... well in no time i guess i will really need to control my emotion and not show it off, so then they would not see my true colors, du'uh as if i am so good right..

i wish all the best in doing all the works and hopefully everyone will be enjoying their parts in doing the things....